INTRODUCTION
Bitterness has stolen and destroyed the sweetness in most marriages and families. This is tragic! The scenario these days: Husbands are bitter against wives; wives too are bitter against husbands; and the result is bitter couples rather than sweet couples. God designed and desired marriage to be: Sweet husbands and sweet wives in love relationship. Sweetness should be the trade mark of all marriages on earth; nothing less is expected from your marriage by God and even mankind. You do not plant sweet orange and expect to reap lemon or grape fruits. Unfortunately, God is disappointed in most marriages because not those joined He is seeing days or months after. On the wedding day God ‘bud’ two personalities, a sweet male and a sweet female, with the intent to ‘reap’ super-sweet couple. But, the reverse is the case; the harvest God is reaping in some marriages is poor yields: Sweet husband, bitter wife; or bitter husband, sweet wife; or Lemon couples; or bitter-lemon couples; or Bitter couples. God expects good yield from your marital union: Sweet Couples. No excuses!
LOVE PRODUCES SWEETNESS
Sweetness is in love because love possesses the potency to enliven the lives of the individuals who are in marital and family relationships. Bitterness is not from love; it does not give life to any marital relationship. When you dish out bitterness, it shortens, shut out or stop the life of the victim. However, when you serve sweetness, you save, renew and prolong the life of your spouse and the union. Believers who are in marital relationship should enjoy utmost sweetness which love offers in the union. But, when one partner fumes and inflicts bitterness on the other partner, the consequences on the union are devastating and the life of the spouse is under threat. The question is: Should a couple in love relationship be bitter against one another?
THREE SOURCES OF SWEETNESS TO YOUR MARRIAGE
1. Life is sweet. When a baby is born, you see on the face of the newly born sweetness; the toddler enjoys life not mindful of anything around. Likewise, when a new being is ‘born’ on the wedding day, you see on the faces of the newly wed sweetness; they just enjoy marital life not mindful of anything said or done by couples in marriage before them. Life is good and sweet; this is how God made it from origin and it will abide so till eternity. Couples are in this sweet life. Nothing should take this sweetness from them. One believes that marriage is established for the spouses to maximise the sweetness of life. Your marriage should maximise this sweetness.
2. Light is sweet. God in His wisdom created light before He created man; He knows light will add sweetness to man’s existence on earth. “Truly the light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to behold the sun.” (Eccl. 11:7) The new birth (Born gain experience) through Jesus Christ launches the Christian couple into a new realm of light experience. No human can afford to hate light. Light is so sweet to be ignored in one’s life, home and relationships. Spouses appreciate one another better in the sweetness brought by light. If the light of Christ dwells in you, you beam rays of sweetness to your spouse and family. Couple, you are the sweetness of the world if the light in you keep shinning.
3. Love is sweet. Love puts a glow on the face of everyone who is in one form of relationship or the other, especially on marital couples. Love emits and transmits sweetness to spouses which cannot be fully described in most cases with the languages of men. Here are two lovers’ attempts to describe the sweetness: Song 2:3 - “THE SHULAMITE Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.” Song 2:14 - "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely." Song 5:16 - “His mouth is most sweet, yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!”
For a couple to claim that their union has no sweetness, it implies all three – life, light and love, had ‘died’ untimely or ceased to exist. This scenario is practically impossible! Truth is, it is the individual spouses that ‘died’ because the trio – life, light and love, can never die. Think of it, since creation till date, life, light and love had not ceased to exist and will never cease to give the sweetness which they give to humanity. It is up to you and your spouse to reject or refuse to accommodate bitterness in your spirit and soul, as well as in your marital union. The moment this rejection occurs, bitterness will not have roots in your hearts and marital union.
HOW SPOUSES CONTACT BITTERNESS
If a contact tracing is conducted you will discover how some couples got infected with this ‘bitterness-virus’. Here are a few instances of how this malaise finds its way in to the marriage institution.
1. Temptation: Countless situations arise which tempt couples to be bitter against one another. If bitterness is a temptation in your relationship, you must strive to overcome it.
2. Character: If bitterness is a character rooted in your soul and spirit, you must uproot it through the power of the Holy Spirit; that means you must be baptised in the Holy Spirit. Through the power of the Spirit in you, the root of bitterness will be rooted out as you grow in the Spirit.
3. Bloodline: If bitterness is in your blood-line, that is, you inherited it from any of your parents, you need a new birth (the blood of Jesus Christ) to flush out the ‘bad blood’ from your being. The new family must not be corrupted by bitterness which followed one of you into the marriage.
4. Passion or Media addiction: If you acquired bitterness by personal addiction or uncontrolled passion for watching films, reading books/magazines and social media platforms which promote bitterness in marriage and family relationships. Beloved, you must curtail your inordinate passion for the media for you maintain the sweetness.
5. Abuses: If bitterness was inflicted on you through abuse(s), such as rape, physical manhandling, forced labour or emotional torture, then you should forgive the persons who did this to you, as well as talk it over with your spouse whom God has planted to help you in every emotional issues. If you discover this bitterness trait in your spouse, prayerfully assist him or her to fight it rather than join in the bitterness ‘cold war.’
FROM BITTERNESS TO SWEETNESS
You can deal a deadly blow to bitterness right from this moment and it will never come near your marriage and family. It all begins with YOU and through YOU. Your spirit, soul and body are the ‘refinery’ for producing sweetness and NOT bitterness. If you are caught in the web of bitterness in your marriage (and family), please humbly follow these Biblical guidelines to transit from bitterness to sweetness. You can!
1. Love God afresh. Before you became bitter against your spouse, you were already bitter against God. Who are you to be bitter against your Maker and the Lord Who graciously gave you the spouse? Did you seek His consent to be bitter against God’s elect (spouse) for your life? To love God afresh is simple: Confess your sin of bitterness to God and ask for His forgiveness. Of course, ask Him to come into your heart afresh; allow Him take His position in the throne of your heart, giving Him the right to control all your thoughts, actions and utterances. Only then, fresh love from Him will fill your spirit, soul and body; and His love will flow from you to your spouse and family members.
2. Feed on the word of God. Bitterness is a toxic or poisonous ‘food’ which you deliberately or foolishly ate but unknowingly will defile and destroy your marital union. Now, you made yourself a critical patient and urgently needs the ‘pure water’ of God to detoxify your spirit, soul and body. Search for the right word of God that can cure you of the particular ‘bitter-virus’ which you have contacted. Please, endeavour take the full dose of this word of God daily so that you can get quick relief from this ‘bitter-virus’. Heb 10:22 - “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.”
3. Seek fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit. The fire of the Holy Spirit specialises in dealing with the evil deposits of bitterness in your heart. So, earnestly seek in the place of prayer the help of the Holy Spirit to overpower the grip of bitterness in your spirit, soul and body. Ask the Person of the Holy Spirit to reveal the source of the bitterness to you if your case the chronic type which resist minor treatment. A quick reminder: You are dealing with the spirit of bitterness, so be spiritually violent to get your freedom. Heb 12:15 - “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.”
5. Appraise and appreciate your spouse afresh. The person you are bitter against should be fairly treated in your transition process. First, be certain if him or herself is in the same trap of bitterness. In a situation both of you are prey, then is need for collaboration to end this malaise ailing the union. Learn to see and speak of your partner in a new way; the old should pass away in the manner your interact, react and do thing together. Also, value him or her as the ‘angel’ God sent into your life; pray for him or her more often now; and physically get closer at every occasion at home and in the public. Build up fresh bond.
6. Withdraw all court cases against your abusers. It may be that the source of the bitterness is not from your spouse or present home but through external persons both in the past and present. Take a decisive step to withdraw all the cases from the ‘court of your mind’ and any other courts you have filed their cases. You will be the one to win the case by the time God, seeing your repentant heart, takes up the cases by Himself and address the persons. “But brother goes to law (court) against brother, and that before unbelievers! Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated?” (1 Cor. 6:6-7)
7. Appraise and appreciate the light in you. Your salvation should be protected from the bitterness-virus. You have been called to shine as light in your marriage and family, especially if are born again Christian. Marriage is not the ‘sin’ which comes to quench the light in couples. Rather, marriage is the fuel which should intensify the light in every couple.
8. Obey the command not to be bitter. There is a clear Biblical command to all spouses not to be bitter against their life partners. Do not debate this scripture, it is a command for both spouses: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” (Col. 3:19) To further help understand who you are and should practice in marriage, please honestly answer this question: “Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening?” (James 3:11,14) Go and be likewise!
9. Censor and shut down evil media. The remote control over evil media fuelling bitterness in your heart is in your hand. Identify which of these media has greater influence on you and censor them; you will be safer and sane when you cut-off from them. Your life and marriage are more important than these media. Save your love life!
10. Be peace ambassador. As Christ Ambassador, one of your statutory duties is to broker peace between you and your spouse or family members; this includes in-laws too. Take seriously every occasion of forgiveness and reconciliation in the family and marriage. You are not alone in the peace move, the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ is with you. Bitterness cannot appear in the palace where Christ is seated on throne. You will not be admitted if you carry bitterness. Never!
11. Be a student of love. If you are a good student of love, you should be able to differentiate between lust and love in a marital relationship. As a researcher in the field of marriage, one has discovered that lust is a major cause of bitterness between spouses. When a partner’s lust is not achieved, bitterness sets in the heart against the other partner. Therefore, it is the duty of the student of love to dissect any supposed offer of ‘love’ and identify the lust therein and cut it off.
12. Refuse the bitter pill. Satan is the manufacturer of the ‘bitter pill’ which is freely sold to spouses. You must resist the devil in the place of prayer to be able to refuse the bitter pill that will be thrown at you from your partner or any member of the family targeted at poisoning your marriage. Let me remind you again that the ‘bitter pill’ comes sugar coated, so be wise as serpent and harmless the dove.
CONCLUSION
Bitterness is not a talent that you should develop and display in your marriage. There is enough sweetness for every marital union, so do not showcase bitterness for any merit award. No partner should adopt bitterness as a strategy to outwit, punish or reward the other marital partner. Sweetness is what you have to offer and share with your marital partner all the days of your life. You have what it takes to serve sweetness to your partner daily. Just to remind you once more – You have LIFE, LIGHT and LOVE; as these three can never cease to exist, likewise sweetness must not cease to flow from you to your spouse and family. Shalom!
Have you tested ‘positive’ to bitterness in your marriage in the past, recently or presently? You will need the help of a counsellor; we are available to assist you to expose and expel that ‘bitter pill’ and restore sweetness to your marital union. Without delay, contact us today: Our ministry e-mail: familyfirstministryng@gmail.com
Kindly share this divine message with other couples and family members who may be held captive by bitterness and the relationship is drowning or even dead. Be one of our ‘social media evangelists’, keep sharing this message in your social media platforms until His Kingdom is in every family on earth.
Pastor E. William Asakpoku, the writer of this article, is the father of Family First Ministry. Your comments about this article or questions on the issue discussed here should be forwarded to us today: familyfirstministryng@gmail.com.
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